What I learned today

1) When you go to the gym and workout and then go ride the recumbent bike for a half hour, be aware of your surroundings. Grab innocuous magazines and make sure you know what is going on around you. Do not, grab a copy of Women's Health, based on the articles advertised on the cover, and proceed to pedal away to your heart's content while reading "5 Fun Things To Do in Bed NOW." You especially don't want to do this if one of the opposite pages has a large picture of something inappropriate and includes the words LUBE written in large red letters. You REALLY don't want to do this if the guy biking next to you is one of your residents...

2) I cannot shop with the young chicks. I have no game. They have a force field around them that prohibits you from interfering with their shopping, even LOOKING at the rack they're near. But still, I have recently made a resolution that I think I'm kind of cute and that I should be dressing like that more often. I believe strongly in age appropriate but in 15 years I'm going to look back and ask myself why I didn't dress cuter when I could. Oh the hell with that. I plan to be like Felicity Huffman. That woman has 15 years on me and look fabulous. New goal: be Felicity Huffman.

3) My daughter can do a mean impression of the man I'm dating. We'll call him, say, Dave. What? It could happen? He was generally silly with her last night and she so wanted to repeat the whole thing only this time she wanted to be Dave. It was funny. She is funny is a way that only smart 3 year olds can be. Now, I now the odds are very slim that if would ever happen, but would it be amazing if I could get him to come and wash my dishes so she see him doing it and, therefore, wants to do it too? Ahhhh, a girl can dream...

4) My powers to will things to me are dwindling. A year and a half ago I sat in a hotel restaurant, hungover, in Jackson, MS and after eating a large amount of carbs for breakfast, proclaimed I wanted cantaloupe. Presto! Lisa comes walking up with cantaloupe. It was freaky. Sadly, I have not been able to will sex and pancakes to my house today.