I am BEYOND terrified

I was hit by sheer horror that lasted several days and then just popped back up a minute ago. On Sunday morning, my daughter was happily watching her Noggin when this new show, Yo Gabba Gabba came on. Oh. My. God. I had seen previews and each time I saw them I just stopped dead in my tracks. What in the name of all things holy is going on here?

Not since I begged the question of "What the hell IS Uniqua" have I been more puzzled. In case you don't have a small child living in your home, please go sample this oddity here. I cannot wrap my brain around this but I will tell you that if it comes on my TV it's impossible for me to turn away. It's not that it's enjoyable because, really, I would rather shove knitting needles in my eyes. It's just that I can't imagine people smoking that much crack. I mean, look at these things! LOOK!

What fresh hell is this? The guy in the middle is DJ Lance Rock. He rules over this freakish world. I am disturbed by how short his sleeves are. They fall a good two or three inches from his wrists. There's no need for that. Why are they trying to make him look like Urkel and, moreover, why is he letting them?  I can't even muster up words to discuss the rest of the outfit. Are they paying him well? I hope so because this guy ain't gettin' NO play ever again after this. I'm just trying to ask the big questions, people.

Also, the cyclops bothers me. He just weirds me out. Big time. I find it hard to look at it and not think that the people creating this show aren't laughing somewhere about how they made a character look like some odd, giant sex toy. I know I am not the only person in America that has made that association. It's disturbing when it dances to the lyrics, "I tried it and I liked it!"

I am pretty sure, when I was in grade school, that my neighbor's dad made that exact robot costume for Halloween one year using dryer hoses and empty Kleenex boxes. Do they not have a budget for costumes? Apparently not, since DC Lance Rock is without a necessary three inches of sleeves. I think I know why that is. Crack ain't cheap, my friends. Crack ain't cheap. 

Comments

[Welby]

RE: Cyclops.

It's probably a horrible failing on my part, but when someone has a lazy eye, I can never tell which eye is their good one. Never. I don't know if there are lazy-eye support groups or forums, but if there are, I'd like to infiltrate and try to get individuals with lazy eyes to either get tattoos pointing to their good eye (reading "Look here" or "It's this one.") or perhaps have some sort of convention that they all will wear eye shadow on their good eye.

Or perhaps I'm the only one who has this issue...

[Kelly]

Have you seen the bit with Elijah Wood?

[Pollywog]

At least they are not Boobahs. Those things look like uncircumcised penises. There, I said it. Needed to be said.

[halfy]

i am terrified of yo gabba. i started seeing the ads for it a few weeks back and now i guess it has started. i will NOT let it be on my tv. ever. it looks like a low budget 20 year old freak show from one of those bad tiny networks. it's just creepy. doodlebops are creepy, but at least they have costumes and normal looking kids characters.

[Sara]

Too funny. I don't have kids and so I had no idea.
Awesome.

[Nowhere Girl]

Your blog is too funny!

What a coincidence that I came across your post today. A couple of days ago, on my day off, I was channel surfing and came across this show. I had never heard of it before, and I only watched a couple of minutes (it was all I could stand, really), but the part I came across was that weird rubber cyclops thingie trying to get to sleep. It was lying on the floor with a blanket over it. The actor in that costume obviously can't see in it, so when he pulled the blanket over himself you could see that he was going by feeling his way around rather than by sight. And the song they were singing was really weird too.