If only I could remember

I don't intentionally forget everything. I'm pretty certain I haven't done any really serious killing of brain cells that would warrant or deserve such lack of short term memory. But, it's bad. I am going to be one of those ladies that carries around a pad so she can remember even the tiniest thing. I'd stick this in my purse that seems to grow exponentially each year as if I'm planning on having everything I own in a shopping cart. Not because I'm homeless, but rather because I have that much shit I need to carry with me.

My point is that I thought of something really good that I wanted to blog about tonight and it's gone. Poof. It went all Keyser Soze on me. Damn it. My God, I'm turning in to Dory! So, instead of what I was going to blog about, which I am certain would have been riveting, I'll share with you why  I am a jackass.

Last Saturday, my little girl and I went to the house of recently oft mentioned sweet man I am dating. He has a big pool with a deep end and a diving board. I am old school fascinated with the diving board. It is so exciting I can hardly contain myself. I try to maintain a cool reserved exterior around it but I just can't. It's that much fun.

Of course, he's a jackass too. This is why I'm dating him. I need company in my jackassedness. We are doing down right stupid things off this board. I have not jump off one of these in about 10 years so I'm rusty but, by God, I feel like Greg Louganis. So Dave asks me if I can do some sort of level 8 technical difficulty dive that involves a twist. I am now looking at him and trying to give a look of, "You really don't like me at all. You want me dead." Mind you, the baord is not huge. There's not a lot of distance to the water. Kinda looks like this:

Regardless of my lack of ability to do a half twist double decaf front flip into a dive with a twist of lemon, I convince myself I could do a backflip. And, of course, I am trying to impress this new guy. Off I go and just about get there but land in the water SMACK on my shins. It stings. Freakin' bad. But, I can say I did it and he seems mildly impressed. Mission accomplished.

All is fine and dandy until earlier this week when I start to notice strange discoloration occurring in my shin/calf area. Yep, bruising. I bruise very easily and these babies are big and identical to each other on both legs. They're healing now so they've turned that pretty green shade. I look like Courtney Love. I am a fool.