Simple Letter of Request

Dear Powers That Be,

Could you please makes sure that Chad Johnson catches three very long touchdown passes today? I would also like it if you could have Kellen Winslow perform in the same manner. I am currently behind 28 points in Fantasy Football and could really use a little help until Tony Romo plays tonight. This would cushion the blow given to me earlier when you decided to make Hines Ward invisible. That wasn't funny. This is football, not Harry Potter.

Could you extend the sale Origins is having today because I don't think that I'm going to be able to make it. I'd really like a super sample of whatever it is that they make that is supposed to make those fine lines and wrinkles as non-existent as Hines Ward's yardage. Sorry to slip that one in there but really...

Could you please send that Dave guy back this way? I know it's totally age 19 to ask that but I really do miss him. If he could magically show up at my house today, that would be good. If he could act overwhelmingly and genuinely sorry when you send him that would be even better. If he could come with a six pack of beer, as well, that would be truly fantastic and much appreciated.

Could you please place an Excel spreadsheet on my hard drive that lists all of the realtors in the area? If you highlighted ones that would actually buy the Junior League cookbook I'm currently pimping out to anyone who stand still for 14 seconds, I sure wouldn't mind.

Thank you in advance for your consideration of my requests. I don't think they're too much to ask. I'm a good person. I don't kick puppies. I swear.

Sincerely,

Vanessa

Comments

[the frogster]

Sorry about Chad and Kellen today. Maybe you can ride Tony Romo to victory. I've just returned and saw your roller-skate post suggestion. I have started digging through my boxes to try to find some roller-skating short-shorts. As soon as I do, you'll be the first to know.

[Jayne]

Not even one puppy?

Are you suuuuure?

[Harley]

I hope our star q-back helped you out last night. You should see the cover of the Dallas Morning News...yummy is Mr. Romo.

And so what if it's Age 19, I don't blame you for asking.

[Welby]

I've notably had a hard time recruiting people for the new fantasy sports league that I'm trying to create: "Fantasy Foosball."

It turns out, no one fantasizes about playing foosball. Who knew?