Don't try this at home

I gave up caffeine cold turkey. It's ugly. It's an unfathomable kind of ugly. Not that I had any plans to, but I never plan on being an alcoholic or a drug addict or anything else that requires you to go through withdrawal upon detox.

I started this lovely endeavor Thursday afternoon as I skipped my afternoon Coke Zero. I made a decaf latte at home yesterday morning. I had a decaf latte the morning and another mid-day. So, I've been without the stuff since 10am Thursday. The headache kicked in mid-day Friday. I still have it. It is so bad I have cried twice today because of the sheer pain. Tylenol is not touching this. I think my evening may be capped off with a percocet. I bet a little scotch with that would be delightful. Yep, it's that bad.

Let's add onto this that today I have been fully in charge of my daughter who is three. She's very good at it. She is also very loud and has been a bundle of energy and sass all day. I have tried to explain to her that today is a bad day to flex her muscles in the envelope pushing arena. She doesn't care. She had us so worn out today that we both needed a nap, mine 45 minutes, hers 2 hours. She finally fell asleep tonight at 9:00 and I nearly had to beg her.

I did some research on-line about it. Oh, don't look at me like that. Everyone googles weird medical shit. My God, there are vast prestigious medical institutes that have done research on this. Apparently, this ain't no small thing I walked into. God DAMN, am I an idiot or what for not reading about this ahead of time! Here's some info from an article from Johns Hopkins.

"The researchers identified five clusters of common withdrawal symptoms: headache; fatigue or drowsiness; dysphoric mood including depression and irritability; difficulty concentrating; and flu-like symptoms of nausea, vomiting and muscle pain or stiffness."

Headache? You mean that the throbbing feeling I have that seems to be running from my sinuses to my frontal lobe all the way back to my medulla oblongata? Fatigue and drowsiness? I can't believe that I am up at 9:33. I have accidentally fallen asleep three times today. Dysphoric mood? Depression and irritability? I can't list a single person I like right now. Difficulty concentrating? What was I talking about? Nausea? I would like to be in the fetal position. Muscle pain? You'd have thought I ran a half marathon today.

"Typically, onset of symptoms occurred 12 to 24 hours after stopping caffeine, with peak intensity between one and two days, and for a duration of two to nine days."

Great. So, I'm at the peak right now. Spiffy. And, I could have a whole 'nother week of this shit. Just pray folks. Pray hard. Pray I don't kill anyone. In the meantime, I'll be locked away from the world in my bedroom, in the fetal position, crying for my mommy who I really wouldn't want to see anyway because she's very loud and, with the irritability factor, not safe.

Comments

[Omyword!]

I've been there. I'll probably have to go there again, since I'm readdicted. Try not to go cold turkey. Drink decaf. My doctor told me it has a lot of caffeine in it still.

But I like the combination of percocet and Scotch. I hadn't thought of that. For me it was wine and 800MG Advil.

[jennifer]

why are you giving up coffee? why would anyone give up life nourishing coffee? are you mad?!=) ok, well, even though i can't understand why you would give up the best addiction on the planet, i applaud you courage!

[Melissa(Harley)]

You killed me with "medula oblongata". Is it any better today? Tonght? Whatever time it is? Please put down the knitting needles.