A man selling his wares

So there I am today about 3:30 in the afternoon. Happily sitting by my pool reading a magazine. I happen to go inside for a beer and hear a knock at the door. Now, I know my friend Shari is coming by to get a piece of furniture I have been storing for her in my garage. I go to get the door thinking it's her. Well, it's not.

At my door is Morgan. I am as surprised to see him there as he is to see a bikini clad woman answer the door. He immediately tells me that he just talked to my neighbors who bought some of his wares. He is selling a product called Orange Titan. I gather this by the spray bottle labeled as such in his hand. At first I could not tell it was a cleaning solution as he sprayed it on his shirt. I was puzzled until I realized he was showing me that it does not stain or bleach clothes. I almost feel the need to inform my new buddy here that he should slow down, I've had two beers.

Then, he takes a quick look at my front porch and drops to his hands and knees and starts scrubing the grout in between my brick. With a toothbrush like object. This would not have been odd if our time spent together had totalled more than 43 seconds. Seeing that he is not impressing me, he then asks what is hardest in my house to clean. Well, gee, Morgan, I hadn't given it much thought. But hell, I've had a beer or two and suddenly it occurs to me that I could take this opportunity to pretend like I was the star of an informercial. So I retort, "Why Morgan, that would be my stainless steel refridgerator! I can't seem to get those pesky hard water stains off." So in comes Morgan and his spray bottle of miracles.

I am skeptical. My fridge looks like hammered shit. Nothing works on that damn thing. Now Morgan has dropped to the floor once again and is cleaning my fridge. Let me just say that if anyone ever comes to your house and starts cleaning random shit, let them do it. Do not look a gift horse in the mouth, people. lo and goddamn behold. My freakin' fridge is sparkling. I'm quite floored and almost want to stop him and just tell him enough, I'll buy the shit. Then, only then, does he spray this miracle elixir on my grout in my kitchen. Then he breaks out the toothbrush, scrubs and wipes it clean. HOLY SHIT! I had no idea my grout was this color. At all. It's lovely!

At this point my doorbell rings again. I excuse myself and go to answer, secretly praying it is someone with a vacuum cleaner demonstration because that would make me so happy. It's Shari. I grab her and pull her to the kitchen screaming, "Look at what this guy just did to my floor!" She is very confused because, oh yeah, I'm in my swim suit. I was so moonpied at the cleaning of my fridge that I never bothered to put on a coverup. She comes in, gasps, and now she too gets the infomercial sale.

Morgan is now really happy because he has a full audience. He kicks it into high gear. He takes the spray bottle and sprays the solution into...his...mouth. His mouth! This was to demostrate how safe it is for pets and kids. Wow. That right there is a testimony when you are willing to digest the product you are selling. Big props. I'm sold, I am buying it. I am laying down the $125 for three gallons of this stuff. And, of course, you mix it at a 15:1 dilution so this stash will last me until 2029. I'm strangely giddy in a way that only a few beers, intense sun and cleaning fumes could bring forth.

He fills out the sales slip and reminds us of his name. "Morgan. Like the Captain." And then he strikes the Captain Morgan pose. This is too much. Just as I think it cannot get any better, he tells me that he can take the $125 in cash, check, or chicken wings, "mild, medium, hot, teriyaki, whatever you want to make." And he dead pans it. Nails it. I am dying at this point. I have never had this much fun buying cleaning solution in my whole life.

This has been a win for everyone today. Morgan made a great sale to a lady in a bikini on Memorial Day. I am way too excited to see what this does to my shower. Shari got to laugh at me quite heartily. Yes, when I look back on my fondest memory of Memorial Day 2008 it will be of cleaning solution.

Comments

[Pete]

I want him to come to my house. He sounds great!
Cheers for sharing, it really made me smile, I'd have been in absolute stitches if I was in your shoes. :D

[Wm H. World Famouse Reporter]

Reminds of the Amway guy. Send Morgan on over this way. LOL

[delmer]

>>This has been a win for everyone today. Morgan made a great sale to a lady in a bikini on Memorial Day. <<

And you got an entertaining blog post out of it.