How I continue to be a jackass

Really, it's easy. I just act as I normally would.

My friend Sebastian is back in town after over a year of being overseas. This is great news. I am very excited about him being back stateside. Sebastian rocks. He gets me.

Let me tell you how my world works. In my world, when people leave the country for prolonged periods of time, they arrive home and own a phone. I assume it is the same phone with which they left. Also in my world, the phone is connected to the same exact number as when they were previously in the Untied States.  This means that when I send them a text message alluding to good times had when I put their stapler in Jell-o, they will get it and chuckle. It seems I am wrong in all of these assumptions and now there is yet another person out therein the world laughing at me, albeit anonymously.

Sometimes, I am so smart I scare myself. Insert eye roll here.