Stream nothin', it's more like a river.

I have way too many thoughts running though my head. There is just a lot there. I have been laying here in bed writing for about an hour . Nothing of clarity in any way shape or form. Random and completely nonsensical paragraphs. I just don't think that logical thoughts are going to be occurring for me tonight. But again, I've hit the point where if they don't come out somehow, I'll be laying here aware and blinking for hours. Thus the random brain dumps occurs.

 

I am sadly disappointed with the new Alanis Morissette album. I'm also dubbing it the Ryan Reynolds Album. Some of the lyrics are beautiful and cathartic but it's not the perfection of Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie. Such a bummer. I still love her though.

 

I really fucked up the Year of No. I mean, bad. The verdict it still out as to whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. Perhaps it just is. I have very mixed feelings about it. I'm sure it will all make sense in 7 years or so.

 

I want another tattoo. I can't decide what I want or where I want to put it.

 

I'm sterile. It can't be undone at this point. I am not having another kid. I got the emotional part of that out of the way early this morning. But still, it went beyond ripping a Band-Aid off and pouring salt in a wound. My wound has healed. This cut it open just a little bit. But just a little. Not like Christmas garland half hung on a stair case and a glass of red wine thrown across a room. Not like that. By tomorrow, there won't even be a need for a Band-Aid.

 

I want to redo my whole house. Paint the cabinets, wallpaper, curtains, pillows, closets, tile backsplashes, sinks, countertops. I am frustrated by the fact that I don't have the money to do it. But, I'll find a way. There's always a way. I am willing to cut just about anything out of my budget at this point to decorate my sanctuary.

 

I will never understand male ego. It's a weird dark place that seems to make no sense at all. I am certain men would say the same thing about women. The difference is that we wear our freakishness like an albatross around our necks. They try really hard to hide theirs.

 

I almost went to visit my grandmother yesterday. There is a lot I have to say to her. I didn't go. I think I realized that it would be like talking to a brick wall. She's never listened to a damn word anyone has every said to her in her whole life. Why should this be any different? At the same time, she's my blood. She is my daughter's Grandma Gigi. How do I explain it to her that Gigi lived two miles away and we never saw her? The whole thing makes me tired.

 

I'm still feeling an overwhelming need to feed people. I need to have a party. My lime tree is sagging from the weight of the fruit and will continue to taunt me until I have a bunch of people to my house and feed them enchiladas and guacamole and get them drunk on homemade margaritas.

Comments

[Auntie Mame]

I shan't comment other than to say "I love you"

[Sherri]

update your blog, my darling! I love to read what you write and I've read this one about a dozen times! LOL!