A Room of One's Own

How to Run Long Distance

Step One: Go buy Pat Green's album Wave on Wave

Step Two: Run

I have been ignoring running for a while now. I stopped running late fall because, I'm not kidding, I was losing too much weight. It was almost two months after my divorce was final that I actually got my ex-husband out of the house. We were sure it was going to sell any minute now. Not so much. I ran when he pissed me off. There were nights I easily ran 7 or 8 miles. Three times a week... So the holidays came and went and I dabbled back here and there. But, I also used my new found freedom to do just about everything I'd been wanting to do and hadn't. Running wasn't a priority.

I got home late tonight but it's too gorgeous of a night to leave it alone so I headed out the door in my running shoes at 9. I live on the outskirts of town so it's pretty damn quiet and I'm surrounded by a significant amount of desert. It takes me two and a half songs to run a mile. I know that it's two and a half miles to where they turned the once construction material landfill into custom homesites. The distance times the music equals the entire Wave on Wave album by Pat Green.

Just trust me and go run 5 miles. Here is the important thing: do not allow your iPod to be on Shuffle. This ruins the whole thing. You must listen to it in order. The last song is called If I Was the Devil. The key is that there is 30 seconds of silence and then a hidden version of the title song, Wave on Wave. This song, this version, could be my favorite song ever. Period. You'll be on the last half mile of the run. The song starts out acoustic and much slower that the original track and bit by bit other instruments come in. Towards the end a piano comes in and then a violin. The song spends about 15 seconds pretending it's a waltz. It wants you to dance but you can't so you just run. It's so amazingly beautiful and you will hurt and you won't care. You'll just kind of float.

The clouds broke and the angels cried...

It made sense at the time

When my daughter was a little baby she did as most little babies do. She woke me up repeatedly or she refused to fall asleep in 30 seconds despite my bleary eyed pleas. So, I had to do what every parent has resorted to doing. I walked or rocked and sang. Of course, I found that at two o'clock in the morning my brain is just not sharp enough to remember any children's song. Any of them. So I made do.

At three years old, my daughter's bed time ritual involves three books and three songs. Out of nowhere tonight she asks me, "Mommy sing me a song you sang to me when I was a little baby." My first thought was one of absolute elation for not having to make up missing lyrics to a medley of Laurie Berkner songs. Then I tried to recall what I sang her. There were no kid songs. No nursery rhymes. It must have been a long thought process as she had to ask me what I sang her because THAT was what she wanted to hear. So I complied. I sang her The Gambler, Folsom Prison Blues and Delta Dawn. If I had been asked for a fourth song, it would have been Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.

I know. I know. These are by no means kids songs. I mean, what kind of sick individual soothes their baby with "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die." But really, these songs were the ONLY songs that I could remember all the words to in the middle of the night so that's what she got. Also, I they worked. Delta Dawn worked like a charm. I would sit by her crib and sing the chorus over and over. I think there was something about that old country style and the low voice of Kenny Rogers and Johnny Cash or Willie and Waylon that was slow enough and had enough resonance when sung as quietly as possible that it just worked.

It kind of amuses me now. If something were ever to happen to me, I think that the fact that these songs were the only ones I could think of and that, even with the lyrics of booze and prison, I sang them to her would tell her just a little about her mom. Really, I do love those songs. And part of me insists that they worked because she loves them too. Inherently. Like it just got programed in there. There may be validity in this assumption as it worked tonight and my daughter is sound asleep down the hall.

Another reason to love Alanis

I am a long time fan of Alanis Morissette. She's like a sister. When she was angry, I was angry. When she chilled out, I chilled out. When she's been silly, I've been silly. I, of course, have never played God in a Kevin Smith film. I need to work on that.

Then, my friend Emily gave unto me this gem. I swear, I laughed so hard I cried. She is genius. There is laughing at people and then there is taking it a step further. Alanis is laughing AND pointing and I love her for it. The clip is 4 minutes long, but stick with it. Her beating the crap out of the guys in the end is priceless. I love the headbutting.

And, I have a bone to pick. No one told me she and Ryan Reynolds were no longer together. Why am I the last person to know these things? I mean, shit people. Help a sister stay informed, would you? I do not have the time to read Perez Hilton every day. Damn slack asses. All of you.

Is this telling?

I am playing with my iTunes and adding playlists. I like to organize things. Y'all KNOW I love a good flow chart. So in the adding and deleting of playlists I clicked on the Top 25 Most Played. That one they make for you but you never look at? I was surprised to see what my top songs were. I think it's a testament that I frequent need to chill out. As a matter of fact I have the chilling out playlist. It makes me happy. It's on right now. So my top five most played songs were:

#5 - Fields of Gold - Eva Cassidy - It's the Sting song done by a little known folk artist that died of cancer a few years back. Her voice is so sharp and gut wrenching and Field of Gold is one of my favorite Sting songs so two great tastes that taste great together.

#4 - A Sunday Kind of Love - Etta James - I love Etta and sister is singing the word.

#3 - Breathe (2AM) - Anna Nalick - There is just something about this song that is so sad and so beautiful. I love the honesty of it.

#2 - Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell - My version is not the original one but the remastered one that's in Love Actually. When I finally downloaded this, I think I just stood in my kitchen and played this on repeat. It is THAT amazing.

#1 - Silver Springs - Fleetwood Mac - This one surprised me. I guess I never realized how much I play it. I found it on shuffle a few months ago and have had it in heavy rotation since. I've said it before and it bears repeating, "I'll follow you down til the sound of my voice will haunt you." Um, wow.

I can't be alone in this

I stopped by Barnes and Noble today on the way home. Usually, I'm not a fan of B & N. It just seems kind of cold in there. Very lifeless. They can't fool me with their Starbucks and their big chairs. I went to college in a small hippie town. I'm much more of a grab a coffee from Macy's Coffee House and head over to Bookman's for a few hours kind of girl. And, literally I could spend hours in a bookstore. With the multitude of books the have at B & N, I could feasbily be there until Friday.

I didn't spend hours in there tonight. Why? Because they were playing that weird ass Celtic music. Is it just me or is that the freakiest crap you've ever heard in your life? That stuff is like nails on a chalkboard. The point at which I had to flee the building was when the strange Celtic woman starting singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Some things you just leave alone... 

Save the last dance for me

We used to have this great radio station here. 97.5. It was a lot of old standards. SInatra, Martin, Etta, Ella, Louis, Harry, etc. They played Michael Buble frequently. I was never really a fan until I heard Save the Last Dance for Me. I adore that song. That song makes me happy.

Before Michael Buble, the last time I had heard that song was Valentine's Day 2003. I was at the Elk's Lodge. Yes, I spent a Valentine's Day at the Elk's Lodge. I was knee deep in "Elkdom." The band that played that night had played my sister's wedding. That's why we weere there. That song started and I headed out to the dance floor. I danced around that floor being twirled around and around. It was so much fun. I sang along with the biggest smile on my face. I had the best dance partner ever. My dad. Dad and I will stop everything and dance to that song every chance we get and it doesn't matter where. Elk's Lodge or living room.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I'll have the same Valentine I've had since I was about 8 years old. He gets me a heart shaped box of See's Candy every year and always has. At this point, that's all I need. I know I'm loved. I know that there is going to come a time in my life when I can't with him anymore. But, he'll always be my Valentine and I will always save the last dance for him.

A few obervations

I won the auction on Ebay for the print of the Mercer House in downtown Savannah. I am literally turning my bedroom in a veritable Savannah shrine. Savannah makes me very happy. I felt good there in a way I want to feel good much more often. If I only knew what it was that made we feel that way, I'd try to capture it. Isn't that always the way? We try to find something and we have no idea what we're looking for or where to look for it. But we just keep looking.

I've been biting my tongue lately. This is a stark contrast to my earlier theory of speaking, stolen from Danny Tripp, of, "Say it, say it, say it." I'm trying to find the balance in that. Trying to figure out what to let fly and what to keep to yourself is a daunting task. I've never been on to err on the side of caution.

I need to go somewhere for a vacation

I miss slow dancing. I have not slow danced with someone in such a long time it's sad. I am addicted to my iPod. I will be driving around or sitting at home listening to something and just have the urge to slow dance. There are just some things we should do as often as we ever can. Slow dancing is one of them.

I love Fleetwood Mac. I truly do. Currently, my iPod is in heavy Fleetwood rotation. It's making me delighfully happy. What is not to love about Silver Springs? If i could blare this at top volume right now, I so would. Stevie Nicks kills me. There is such amazing passion in that song. "I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you." Gawd.

Too good not the share

I am on hold with tech support for my new TV and their hold music is playing Afternoon Delight. I am laughing my fool head off! This is so damn funny!Nothing says, "please patiently wait for a representative" like a song about fucking in the afternoon. I am dying. "We're Vizio!We believe in the nooner!"

Holy shit. It just switched to Beck. Apparantly, they've got two turntables and a microphone.

I love these people.

A bit of silence in a loud room

Yesterday was a bad day. A very bad day. I'm trying to find and sustain the happy. It's hard. Punching through that wall at the other side of hell to get through it is an arduous task. But, I'm up to it. I'm plugging away at work again, with the iPod. I just got sidetracked by a song that I am now playing way louder than I'm sure my coworkers appreciate. It just spoke to me. I get it. It's from Dixie Chicks latest album, Taking the Long Way. Girls, I hear ya.

Everybody Knows

Tell me now if you came sneaking up behind
Would you know me and see behind the smile
I can change like colors on a wall
Hoping no one else will find what lies beneath it all
I think I hide it all so well

Stepping out, everyone can see my face
All the things I can't erase from my life
Everybody knows
Standing out so you won't forget my name
That's the way we play this game of life
Everybody knows

Looking through the crowd
I search for something else
But every time I turn around
I run into myself
Here I stand
Consumed with my surroundings
Just another day
Of everybody looking
I swore they'd never see me cry
You'll never see me cry

Stepping out, everyone can see my face
All the things I can't erase from my life
Everybody knows
Standing out so you won't forget my name
That's the way we play this game of life
Everybody knows

You say I'll pay the price
That's the chance that I'll take
Though you may think I'm telling lies
But I just call it getting by

Stepping out, everyone can see my face
All the things I can't erase from my life
Everybody knows

Standing out so you won't forget my name
That's the way we play this game of life
Everybody knows I am just barely getting by

Work groove

I came into work yesterday for a little bit to get caught up and to clear some crap off my desk. I brought int he iPod. I had a delightful moment sitting at my desk with my feet up, reading through paperwork and blaring Sting as loud as I could. It was not bad.

It made me realize that even though I got a cool little speaker hookup for my iPod for my office, I don't use it rarely enough. So I started off my morning having some coffee with a little more Sting. I forgot how much I love him. I'm now totally grooving to Harry Connick, Jr. I am incredibly productive and in a ridiculously good mood. I'm just wracking my brain trying to figure out what to listen to next. Any suggestions for good workday music?